Desperate Pastors' Wives Unite

I was hoping to call my blog "Desperate Pastor's Wives", but was dismayed to learn that the title was taken. I suppose there aren't any completely unique good ideas. One can only hope to be the first, or somehow the best with the clever turn of phrase.

Why "Desperate"? you ask...if you are not the wife of a pastor, that is. A pastor's wife with any experience will have no trouble identifying with desperation, I am sure.

Having been married for twenty-five years to a Protestant minister, serving in a series of small, frequently troubled, congregations all over the Western United States, I can speak with authoritiy about the joys and frustrations such a life entails.

I am hoping to connect with other pastor's wives (or ex-wives, it does happen!) and share some of our moments of desperation and the ways we found to deal with them.

This blog is necessary because of the uniquely isolated life of many women in the parsonage. Although we are surrounded by loving, caring people most of the time, it is difficult to find a flesh and blood confident.

We have our Lord (thank God!) and sometimes our spouse, but the times when the spouse is part of the problem and we are having trouble connecting with God we need wise Christian counsel and comfort. Who do we turn to?

No one in the congregation, certainly. If you don't know why, just ask me or any other who was once naive enough to think we could be intimate friends with a member of the flock.

Our denominational leaders or the regional "pastor to the pastor"? Not if the trouble could reflect badly on your husband's ministry and injure his career.

Another pastor's wife in the community, perhaps. Well, only if she is that rare creature with no feelings of competition.

What about the wife of a pastor of the same denomination, perhaps on staff or in a nearby community? There is always the fear that she will confide in her pastor-husband and he will feel led to speak to your husband, or the denominational leaders.

Why not go to a family counselor, then? If one lives in a community large enough to contain a reliable Christian counselor that can be a very good solution...the New Life counselors and radio program are wonderful. However, the majority of our churches in this country are small, many in small towns and rural areas. If you are fortunate enough to have a family counselor, there is a very good chance that he or she is a member, or a relative or friend of a member of your congregation. Small communities are notoriously bad at keeping confidences.

So, other than read your Bible, pray and pretend there is nothing wrong, what do you do?

I am asking you, reader, What Do YOU Do?